Emily: So Melissa, so as a lesbian, do you have an obsession with boobs - like a problem with viewing cupcakes?
Melissa: ... no?
Chelsea: Shit straight girls think.
Jasminne: Is that a thing?
Melissa: I guess I have an issue.
Jasminne: You guys think we get turned on by cupcakes?
Emily: I understand, I mean. Us straight girls like hot dogs and popsicles.
Melissa: See, I like those too. That's why I'm pansexual.
Chelsea: Tumbling this.
Marta: Are you having problems with the internet?
Me: Am I never having problems with the internet? EC Wireless is such a tease.
Marta: Yeah, she's never there for me.
Me: I don't see what you see in her. She's a bitch.
Marta: I was hoping for so much more. But you're right.
Me: You're better off on your own and single. Go take a walk, in the woods.
Me: Besides, the plus side of that is your fuck buddy 3G is always available. He's like, "Oh baby, you want help to get on tumblr?" Cue sordid look.
Me: I came out this morning and was like "I look good today."
Jasminne: I was about to say, aren't you already out?
Me: Throw me a pretzel so I can fling it at you.
I just kissed a pretzel.– Melissa
Praise the Lawd, knit some mittens for the homeless– -Marta, 8:59 referring to Chelsea’s highschool extracurricular activities
Most people come to our suite for our tea rack, not our actual racks– Chelsea, 10:48 PM
that moment when you think you’re going to smile so much that your eyes...
I pinky promised! That’s serious shit right there!– Chelsea, 12:17 AM
Chelsea: It’s been a rough morning. Marta: Mmhm. Chelsea: I read...
One of these days, I’m gonna snap. One of these days. One of these days,...– ^^^ The Song Chelsea just sung to herself
“I was a mailperson” “You mean a mail lady?” ...
Marta: Stop whining.
Chelsea: (still crying) YOU'RE SO MEAN.
Marta: I'm not that mean. You need to stop crying.
Chelsea: (still crying) SO MEAN.
Marta: [If this is any consolation,] I'm making fun of you.
I’m crying. And my tears are going into my eyebrows because I’m...– Chelsea (when Marta made her cry).
No. I’m writing a letter to a man with a mustache. Hold on.”...
And so, I hung up my jacket of musicality and hid it in the closet, in which I...
The gay man was like, ‘I’m really cuddly.’ And the lesbian...
I’m not going to go trans for the sake of humanity….”...
This is how I feel about my alarm clock.
Chelsea: For the record, my hiccups are cuter than Marta’s.
PS GAWD H8S U.
Dear Westboro Baptist Church, You guys are so awesome. You’re doing a fantastic job at making yourselves look loving and happy in God’s image. Keep up the good work. Much love, The Catholic “Fag” that Supports the Military.
Chelsea: I have a fetish for foreign exchange students.....
(Chelsea was applying for Jewish Vocational...
Chelsea: Is it appropriate to star the jobs I'd like to have?
Marta: Only if you use stars of David....